Hellboy and The BERD
by HannahSculpts
Summary: "Uh, Yes. This is Jayson Boyd, Head of the Bureau for Extraterrestrial Research and Defense. The world is at stake, so if you could please call me back as soon a possible, that would be great. Um... Thanks." Set two years after the Golden Army. Abe/OC (Potentially.)


Alright, this is my first Hellboy Fanfiction. I started it several year ago in another account, but I feel like trying to pick back up again. It is a film centric story and takes place, eh, about two or so years after the second film. I believe that they all rejoined the B.P.R.D., but managed to develop a stronger influence in the bureau.

I do not own Hellboy, it is a creation by Mike Mignolia, del Toro and Dark Horse.

The B.E.R.D. is creation of my friend, Olivia, and myself. As well as all of its agents and the Ku'la'mear.

Thank you, and please read and review. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.

Chapter One

"How nice of you to join us. Thirty minutes late. The schedule doesn't revolve around, Agent Hellboy." Manning chided at Hellboy as he sat down next to Agent Sherman. He rolled his eyes and began shuffling through his duster.

"We have a strict schedule for a reason and we can't have you..." Abe Sapien leaned forward in his chair across the table from Hellboy in an attempt to attract his attention. He gestured with his hand to a fair-haired man, who appeared to be in his mid thirties, staring at the scene from the large television screen with a bemused expression.

"Nice to see you, Red, this is Jayson Boyd of the Arizona based B.E.R.D. He has called for our immediate assistance." Abe leaned back into his chair as even Manning fell into hush. Jayson Boyd nodded to Hellboy and gave a quick, deep breath.

"Yes, as Agent Sapien informed you, I am Agent Jayson Boyd head of the Bureau for Extraterrestrial Research and Defense. I will cut to the chase now, because we really do not have much time. We have discovered an alien race, that we have dubbed the Kul'la'mear. To be quite frank, we believe that they that will lead to the destruction of all of mankind if we do not stop them. Our agents have done all they can, but it's hard to destroy an alien race that is already dead. We are at the end of our rope down here."

"Dead? How can something dead be such a threat to mankind?" Liz asked as several other members nodded. Hellboy shrugged in agreement and began to light a cigar that he finally recoverd.

"Agunt Hellboy der ish no smoking in dis facility." Johann stated where as Hellboy blatantly ignored him. He puffed his cigar with a loud and contented breath. Agent Boyd raised an eyebrow at the quick exchange.

"Riggght, Well, this obviously is a paranormal problem, hence why we contacted you. The Kul'la'mear resided here several thousand years ago, and due to our constant growth, humanity has disturbed their resting place, and now the 'imprints', for a lack of a better term are fighting back." He pushed back some of his bright blonde hair and straightened the collar of his lavender dress shirt. "Agent Manning, if you will inform your agents."

"Yes, well it seems have a the most fantastic news. You are all being temporarily transferred to Arizona, Well, Hellboy, Fish stick, Agent Krauss, and Agent Sherman are. You will all be out of my hands for at least a month!" They all stared blankly at Manning, unable to come up with a quick response, and slightly insulted by his obvious excitement.

"Now, Agent Manning, don't sound so pleased. I have made all the necessary arrangements, such as a tank for Agent Sapien, as well as quarters for Agent Hellboy, Agent Sherman, and their two children."

"Hey now, what if I don't want to go to some hole in the ground in a god-forsaken desert?" Hellboy interjected.

"Simple, you really don't have a choice. You have three days." Manning informed them.

"Yes, well, thank you all. I will be looking forward to your arrival in three days. We will have much more information when you arrive. Good day, Ladies and Gentlemen." With that the screen went black with a slight pop.

"Well, I guess we all should better start packing." Abe stated as he began to sit up.

"What do you pack on a trip to prevent the world's destruction?" Liz asked as she also stood up, "I'm never given so much time in advance."

3 days, 4 hours, and 27 minutes later.

The group had been ushered underground the second their jet had landed. They were led into their third turn in a series of hallways before an Agent in black leather greeted the group. She had both wrists draped over a large sniper rifle. Her long brown braid fell down into the middle of her back. Her skin was deep bronze and her face had the uneven tan and light sprinkling of freckles left by the Arizona sun.

Her stance was wide and dark sunglasses were perched on her nose. As they approached closer she handed the gun to another agent and pushed her glasses onto the crown of her head. She held out her hand to the closest B.P.R.D Agent, who happened to be Abe Sapien.

"Hello, I am Agent Jericho Montoya, but just call me Jericho if you like. Come this way, I'll introduce you to my partner and the reason why you came here. I'm more than happy to answer all your questions, for I'll be your liaison while you're here, but first, I'd like to take you all to your designated quarters. I know the twins must be exhausted." She nodded at the two sleeping toddlers, one in Hellboy's arm, and the other in Liz's.

She had a slow, southern, patient drawl to her voice and pair of dark, piercing eyes, the color of dry coffee grounds. She quickly turned around on a booted heel and gestured them to follow, her braid swishing along behind her. She had a quick step to her and a very no-nonsense attitude. She lead them down a few corridors and swiped a card into a door, with a leak of pressurized air, the door unlocked.

She pushed open the door of their quarter's with twist of a knob and push of her shoulder. Their suite had a studio like feel, very large, with enough room for all four of them to live comfortably. A small elderly Asian woman was putting fresh sheets on the massive king sized bed as they all walked in. She looked up with narrow, but kind eyes, smiling as the pulled the final sheet into place. Agent Montoya placed a hand on the woman's shoulder.

"This is Gerti, the wife of one of our oldest, most loyal agents, she will be helping you with the kids, she is quite capable, and is willing to help in anyway she can." The aged petite women quickly took their two children in open arms, seemingly blissfully unaware of their red skin. She cooed and awed as their mother introduced them. Agent Montoya nodded to Hellboy and she then pushed her way through the door. She held it opened, ushering the other two agents outside. "I'll be back to retrieve you two momentarily, now if Agent Sapien and Agent Krauss will please follow me."

"We were alerted to both of your unique conditions. We have placed the both will be next door to each other and just down the hall from Agents Liz and Hellboy" She told them as she led them down more eerily silent, metallic hallways, "Agent Krauss, we have a room prepared for you with all your required necessities since you do not require food or sleep. And Agent Sapien, We have built a tank to your specifications, right here." She slipped the same keycard from her belt, opened the door, and holding it open letting him go in himself. She nodded to Johann to follow her to the next door, and did similar for Johann, opening it for him. With a nod of the head and word of her return, she gave another quick swish of her braid, and headed down the long cold hallway.

Abraham Sapien was left to his own devices for several long minutes as he unpacked his gear and removed his breathing apparatus. She was not kidding in the slightest when she said she had everything built to his specifications. His new tank was a smaller, newer version of his own tank back at the Bureau. He was quiet impressed with the craftsmanship of the tank and the large stack of books and music stands that were next to it. The first thing he did was set up the music stands and selected an interesting variety of reading material. He opened up the final volume of his choice to the first page, when a sharp rapping was heard at his door.

"Yes, just a moment," He placed the novel on the red sofa across from his tank and reached his door in a few short steps. As the pulled the door he gave a polite nod, "Agent Montoya, Are you here to collect us again?" She gave a nod and a quick bow and stepped out of his way.

"I'll just go get Agent Krauss, as well," She told him as she to the few strides to Johann's quarters. She knocked and soon the two were following her toward Hellboy and Liz's room. Hellboy met them quickly and shut the door behind him.

"Liz ain't comin', the twin's are tired and Liz wants to make sure that they are settled in alright." Agent Montoya gave a now customary nod of the head.

"I'm sure that that will not be a problem, I will simply just debrief her myself at an alternate date. Now if you will accompany me, I'll lead you to where I can introduce you to my partner, and my boss, whom I believe you have already communicated with." So she led them to an elevator and down several hallways that were covered with this metal, locked doors, with undisclosed contents.

Hellboy grabbed Abe by the forearm and whispered to him, "She sure is formal, isn't she?"

"Only when in uniform. I 'm promise." She called back to him. Hellboy wrinkled his nose at getting busted.

"So, Jericho? That's your name? Can I just call yah Jerry?" Hellboy asked as she took another passkey from her belt and pulled open a door that led down yet another empty hallway. They may have passed four other agents thus far. It was much different from the busy and loud walkways of the B.P.R.D.

"Well, you can, I guess, but that might make things more complicated that anything." She told him with a smile as she looked back at her odd group of three. She came to a final door, and placed her hand to a biometric pad. The door opened with a loud hiss of hydraulic pressure. "Gentlemen, I'd like you to met my partner, Codename 'Jerry'."

They were quite shocked what they saw. 'Jerry' was a large monster of a creature, with slate grey eyes, that had no pupils or whites to be seen. He was about six feet tall, probably taller, but he stood hunched out his large fists, reminiscent of a gorilla. He's flesh was an odd thick robin's egg blue color, his hair was thick, matted, jet black, it was long and grew on the top of his head and stretching a little down his spine.

Tufts of hair were also growing down his elbows and along his large chin. His jaw was large and extended out, and two large pearly fangs, jutted toward his long, crooked nose. His feet were bare, and had four clawed toes. He walked on the pads of his feet and was clad in nothing but black knee length shorts.

"Jerry was found in an icecap by the newly formed B.E.R.D. in 1962, he's from a deserted planet that our technology has yet to be able to locate. He speaks good English, Russian, German, Spanish, and fourteen other languages. We just cannot translate his language as it uses pitches, not words to communicate. So, when he was found, we just dubbed him 'Jerry'." He nodded in agreement to her words and gestured for the rest of the group to have a seat.

"Jerry, this is Agents Hellboy, Sapien, and Krauss, Agent Sherman decided to stay with her children." Jericho told them as she took a seat in a chair next to a large round table. Jerry reached at a tall shelf, collecting several fat files and placing them in the middle of the table. He also took a seat, sitting next to Jericho. Jerry turned and spoke to them, he did indeed speak good English, with a gruff low voice.

"We are very grateful for your help, I'm to believe that Agent Boyd will join us shortly and we can begin."

"Alright, Alright, Ladies, the party can start! I have arrived!" The doors slid open allowing the blond man from the conference call three days earlier to enter. He happily salsa danced in wearing a coral dress shirt, a gun on his hip, an iced coffee in one hand and a laptop in the other.

He placed the laptop and his coffee drink down on the table and slide into one of the slick leather chairs. He gave it one good spin before settling down and opening up the computer and hooking it to a projector.

Hellboy leaned close to Jericho's ear, whispering, "This fruit cake is the head honcho in charge?" Jericho gave a large grin and leaned into Hellboy's ear, he craned his neck around to hear her response.

"Don't let the frosting fool you, he's really an amazing agent…"

"No, No, No, Oh guys, we really cannot work in here. The feng shui is terrible. Those maids move all the furniture around on purpose!" Jayson announced loudly throwing up his hands.

"… Sometimes," she sighed while Hellboy gave a snicker. "Jayson, chill! We have to work here, and we need to get started now."

"Agreed, Jayson, we have little time and be must begin the debriefing." Jerry announced in a surprisingly soothing voice.

"Ja, I am most kurios as to vhy ve are here," Johann stated.

"Alright, Alright, I'll just ignore all the negative chi,…"

"Jayson!" Jericho shouted, placing her face in her hands looking mildly embarrassed.

"As, I was saying; long, long ago, when man still walked around like Jerry," at that Jerry gave a low discontented snort, "I say that with love Jerry. I really do…"

"Jayson, get on with it, man!" Jerry barked.

"Alright, alright, Jesus, no humor," he huffed as he straightened his tie. "So, they arrived several thousand years ago, and without a word, after living amongst us for a few thousand year, just died. Poof! We have record of their life, but none of how they died. Well, their remains were hidden in ruins in a rural undeveloped area in Mexico. Of course though, nothing is undeveloped anymore these days. Several men contracted plans for a large factory right on top of the Ku'la'mear's final resting place.

"Aztec records show, roughly, that the Ku'la'mear were friendly peaceful buggers in life, so it's a mystery as to why they are behaving like such vicious creatures in death." Jayson finished, finally.

"What do you mean, exactly, when you say vicious?" Abe asked, he was leaned over the table, hands woven together under his chin while he paid close attention.

"Ah, good question, Agent Sapien. We mean this!" Jayson then, superfluously and overtly aggressively punched at a key on his keyboard. A video appeared on a screen behind Jayson. It was rough, in bad quality, and dark, mostly likely from a cell phone's video feed. As terrible a quality it was, the message was quite clear.

Loud and frantic Spanish was being yelled all throughout the dark building, and it sent out a reverberating, chilling echo. The camera was pointed at several construction workers walking slowly with very shaky but deliberate steps. In sudden, frightening leap, a construction work jump forward and snatched at the camera's owner. The video ended abruptly freezing on the final frame. It was the close up on the hispanic man, blood coated his teeth, his pupils were completely dilated. The whites of his eyes were heavily bloodshot. His flesh had taken on a horrific green tinge.

"What the hell is that thing?" Hellboy shouted as the three of them stared, transfixed, by the image before them.

"What was is you called them earlier? Ah, yes, now I remember, 'Freaky ass, drooling, body snatching ghost zombies aliens from hell.'" Jerry repeated in his slow, deep voice. Jericho smiled proudly.

"I am a poetic genius, if I do say so myself, but regardless of the obvious problem at hand we have other problems to worry about, gentlemen. The American Government and the United Nations have all caught whiff of this and believe that it is a malicious attempt at germ warfare. We are now standing on the brink of a World War of nuclear bombs and pointed fingers." Jericho said as pulled her left leg into her chair and rested her chin upon it.

"Hafe you not tvold dem ovfervise?" Johann asked as he gestured with his hands. Jericho sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, Agent Krauss. We have told the President everything we have told you. But he is new to his presidency and to our existence and doesn't want to listen to a bunch of crackpots from 'Area 51'. We do have the area contained as best we can, no humans, no snatching, but it will _NOT _hold forever. Be that as it may, the government is our biggest problem as of now. That and people are beginning to catch on, videos have began to surface on youtube."

"God, I _hate _YouTube!" Jayson shouted. Jericho slammed a hand on the table, making Abe jump back in surprise.

"I know! Right? Just last April, a video surfaced of me and Jerry on a mission in Nashville. I had to crash a wipe a film students computer just to get it taken down. I felt like a such a douche…"

"Jericho," Jerry quietly chided, placing a large clawed hand on the back of her chair.. She turned to him and grinned apologetically.

"Sorry, anyways, Jerry, Jayson, myself, and the rest of the B.E.R.D. are at a loss of what to do. Aliens we can deal with, hell Jerry _is_ an alien, but ghost aliens with the power of possession, we cannot. This is why we need your help so desperately, we are all out of ideas." Jericho said curling even deeper into her chair.

"What's wrong with just busting into the joint and shooting these zombies in the head. Isn't that what you do with zombies?" Hellboy asked reaching for a cigar to light, smug from his obviously brilliant deduction.

"Yes, Agent Hellboy, let's all just prance our happy asses straight into enemy territory, cap a couple bullets into the brains of innocent civilians. While we do that, lets also leave ourselves completely open to attack from TRANSPARENT INVULNERABLE GHOSTS! So we can all just hop around join the zombie party together. And there is no smoking in this facility, so don't even think about it!" Jayson shouted, standing in obvious anger and frustration. Hellboy also jumped to his feet, cigar still in his teeth.

"Jayson! That's enough, please sir, _sit down_!" Jericho halfway pulled herself from her chair as she shouted, trying to calm her boss down. Jerry had lurched forward as well, as if preparing for some sort of attack. He looked quiet frightening. Jayson looked at his two agents and nodded, sitting gently back in his chair and crossed his legs. Jericho looked expectantly at Hellboy, who grudgingly agreed to sit back down. "Now as tactless as he may have put it, the boss is right. We have no way to get in and frankly we are stuck in a bad situation. We need your help because we are stuck at square one." She put her face in her hands for a minute in aggravation before continuing.

"We know you are better at this, and were hoping you would help us discover a solution to our problem."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the researching, solution finding kinda guy. I usually am the solution." Hellboy gruffed out. His cigar still remained in his teeth, unlit.

"Ja, but Agunt Sapiens and myself are. Ve vould gladly be oft assistance."

"Yes, indeed we would, Agent Krauss. I will lend a hand anyway I can." Abe fervently agreed.

"Excellent. Well I'm heading to the archives now, if you two gentlemen you care to join me," she announced as she stood and began gathering up files to take with her. They both nodded and stood up as well.

"I'll direct Agent Hellboy back to his quarters and meet you there, Jericho." Jerry told her as he stood up as well. He nodded to Hellboy who also stood up. Immediately lighting his cigar. Jayson pretended not to notice.

"I'm just going to go try and convince the President not to start an Armageddon that could end us all! Good day everyone!" At that Jayson stumbled awkwardly out of the door, leaving his laptop and quickly melting coffee. Jericho sighed and moved to shut down his computer.

"That poor guy is going to crack under all the pressure. I swear."


End file.
